journal entry.

August 15—Black Forest, Germany

3 weeks ago we waved goodby to K Squad in Budapest and escaped for a few days to Prague.  Alone as a couple :-P.

Next week we fly back to the USA.  Just about 2 weeks short of 1 year since we left September 2, 2014.

(By the way, you know that 11 countries, 11 months thing?  Yeah, well it turned out to be more like 22 countries in 11 months or 26 countries in 12 months.)

Crazy.

Crazy that we ever said, “yes” to this thing.

Crazy to think that this season is actually [finally] ending.

Crazy to reflect on the changes we’ve been privileged to be a part of in others through this journey.

Crazy to acknowledge the change/growth in myself.

It has been good.  (Yeah, I know, I can’t believe I’m saying that.)

Unbelievably hard, yes.  Especially as a couple.  Something I’d never want to repeat, yes.  

But still good.

Because You were in it.

Thanks.

Thank you, God, for the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Because You showed up in all of it.  Usually in ways that were not expected.  Often not immediately recognized.

But You were there.

You brought me to a greater place of knowing You.  (My ultimate goal in life.)  Of knowing myself.

Out of that, beginning to live out of overflow, instead of outpour.

Learning more about being led instead of being driven—being led by faith, led by You, instead of being driven by fear, guilt, duty, or others’ expectations.  (Though this is still a tough one for me to live out.)

I'm not sure how to prepare for the transition home.

Home feels like such a foreign concept.

(It has been almost 2 years since we moved out of our houses, quit jobs, etc. to start this adventure, first with YWAM, and then the World Race.)

Transition, change, moving place to place has become, in a strange way, normalcy for us.

How will it be to stay in a single location for more than 1 month?

With no "next place" to go???

That sounds absurd!

It feels like everything is about to change.  

Many of the things that have been difficult will likely become easier.  (We're hoping for the foreseeable future to usually have a bed instead of a floor to sleep on, a room to ourselves instead of sharing it with others, some private space as a couple and individually...)

But also realizing that some of the things that have been easy may also become more difficult.  (Different level of support, understanding, etc. than when living, working, and being with a group of people 24/7.)

Yes, we'll be back to being surrounded by friends and family.  There are certainly many aspects of that which we've missed in our travels.

Yet I'm sure we'll also miss aspects of the communities we've been part of for the past 2 years—the support, energy, and being constantly propelled towards Christ that we've experienced in these contexts.

How do we merge all of this?

How do we integrate the recent past with the more distant past as we look forward to stepping back into our former life [somewhat] and community?

Sometimes it feels an impossible challenge.

But God.

Herein is the constant.

Thanks for being there.  

For being here.

Thanks for being a Friend, a Guide, a Comforter, a Teacher, a Father, a Healer, and so much more over these past 2 years.

I've experienced a reality in living with You that I never thought was possible.

I've prayed for and tasted Ephesians 3:18 (AMP):

[That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!

Yeah, sometimes the future looks daunting.

Incredibly so, some days.

But You've got it.

I don't have to do anything, but follow.

No unnecessary stressing or trying to work to figure things out, just keeping my eyes on You.

Wherever You want to take me, I'll go.

However You want to take me there, let it be.

Whoever You want to use in my life or me in theirs.

Whatever.

Whenever.

You've captured me.

There's really nothing besides You that I want.

I'm convinced that any life you call me/us to is an adventure.  And I'm excited to step with You into the unknowns of this next phase!

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

Oceans (Hillsong United)